I fell rather empty and clueless. So I decided to write to keep my mind flowing.
Still no job. I haven't had any worthy interview since last year. However, I keep on trying. There are not many jobs around that suits me. I also feel that I am thinking too much in making a CV and a letter. Speaking of which, at this moment I am not very satisfied with my CV. It is always like this. So I am satisfied, then become dissatisfied, then perform an overhaul, fix the CV, satisfied, become dissatisfied ... I guess that's just how people grow.
I have two CV formats, one for industrial job, and another for postdoc job. I don't think I am going to apply for postdoc job, but I like my postdoc CV so much. It is compact and looks very smart. An overhaul will be required to give my industrial CV the similar feeling as my postdoc CV.
Another important milestone: I officially own a company now. Yay! I decided to make it official when Lrrr asked me if I would like to help his company setting up a experiment design to check if their new idea can be realized. As a company owner you can have a tax deduction. Maybe I should be happy and enthusiastic with this idea, but I cannot help thinking that finding a paid job is my ultimate goal. Maybe I needed the external approval. Geesh. Shame on me! Counting on external approval to prove my self-worth! Maybe this is my problem that I need to solve at this moment.
I also have found that expressing my unhappy feeling works. I have quit mentioned it to Lrrr as he has seen enough and I don't think he can take any more of my negative emotions. But expressing can also be done by writing, or in my case, drawing.
Another thing that I still need to find out is my story. I think I am lacking a personal story - who I am, what really interests me, what can I do. At this moment I am just chasing approvals, as I am lacking the self-esteem. But I am working on that.